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My portrait courtesy of Ella Hirst. She has painted more than 500 of all her facebook friends. befriendedseries.tumblr.com (Taken with Instagram)
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One year ago today: China’s deep south.
After spending a single night on the border our plan was to continue onward. We had no travel plans at all. Merely the names of two places we should visit that were given to us by the crazy old Swedish man that inceptioned us to go to China in the first place (that’s a story for another day) Jing Hong and Dali.Based on our crude readings of a map before leaving, we determined that Jing Hong would be our first destination. A bus station would be a good start. After doing several laps of the border town we finally identify the bus station located at the back of a set of shops. This only came after drawing the crude image of a bus in my notebook. The person at the desk somehow manages to decipher what we are trying to say and puts us on the next bus to Jing Hong.
The journeys on buses in this country more closely resemble that of which you would expect from an airline. There is an attendant who sits at the back and distributes you in journey meal. Along with a hot towel, juice and some biscuits. The film we watched was very much in Chinese. Though it did have subtitles, these are also in Chinese. The movie itself was actually fucking brilliant! The story af a businessman who when taking a flight crosses paths with a young simpleton (possibly slightly retarded) well meaning traveller. Incidents occur in which the businessman and the traveller are kicked off the flight and forced to make the rest of the journey by any means necessary together. Looking back, this film is basically Due Date. Although it did precede the hollywood films release. The title is ‘Lost on Journey’ and I highly recommend it to those seeking some Chinese comedy in their lives.
Unlike the roads in Laos, the ones here are modern highways. The main difference I observed, a part from the obvious superior condition, was that in Laos, they go with the shape of the environment. Running along crests and dipping into valleys. South China; road goes here! No land mass? Big poles! Mountain in the way? Tunnel! Although the view along the way was quite breathtaking and very similar to what we had been in the day before, it was somehow different. It took a while for it to click but then I realised that more than 80% of what I could see on the mountains was farmed. Rubber plantations, banana farms, palm oil just to name a few.
Between the highways cutting through mountains and the hillsides stepped with farms; it was truly an eye opening vision into the sheer domination of the landscape that the Chinese exhibit.Several hours later, we cross the mighty Me Kong and arrive at the bus terminal in Jing Hong. With no guide book and having already completed the journey to the fullest of our directions (“go to Jing Hong”), we set out to find somewhere to ditch our luggage so we coud see what it was all about.
To be honest, we couldn’t see much going on. Although, to be fair we found it a bit tricky to track down any sort of night life. A part from the mass audience gathered outside the baseball stadium watching a 6th century Chinese soap opera. Surely there is more to do than just this.While wandering about the square outside the baseball stadium we had our first celebrity experience. Being asked by two young women for a photo with them. We agreeed, only as long as they took one with my camera as well.
Another thing that caught our attention, was the presence of these numbers. Graffitied on walls all over the place were these numbers. Just phone numbers all over the place. Over the course of our stay in China this is the ONLY graffiti we see at all. Somebody told us that they offer a range of different services, from fake passports to prostitution to window cleaning services. The equivalent in the western world would be your mates scrawling your number on the bathroom wall with ‘Call for a good time’ scratched next to it.The only entertainment we decided to make for ourself was to introduce a balloon eagle to an elephant statue. This involved Kieran standing a top my shoulders in order to slip the knot over the trunk of an elephant statue in a square. unfortunately the next morning it was gone. We like to think that it took the acrobatic skill of three Chinese council workers stacked on top of each other to set the eagle free. I guess we’ll never know.
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One year ago today: Crossed in to China
With our determined and ill planned journey to China well underway, Kieran and I push our way ever more northbound.
It wouldn’t be a true trip on Laos roads unless you feared for your life at least once. Near head on collisions, precarious cliff edges and for a culture that is extremely laid back, damnit these guys are in a hurry when they hit the road!
I counted two car accidents on the way over the mountains. One vehicle stuck on its side in a ditch . The other was simply on its roof in the middle of the road. These things always happen in threes I thought. Apparently out loud, as I caught the glares of the other 4 passengers in our minibus. (un)Fortunately in the next ten minutes we saw another accident. Front on into a tree. Lucky us.Spent one uneventful night staying in the closest town to the border as possible. Although the presence of Chinese culture is becoming notably more prominent. Change in the architecture and vehicles, albeit still shanty as fuck!
The following morning I had my first taste of the infamous Thai Redbull. Full of all sorts of ‘amides, ‘thenols, ‘iamins and ‘anthines. The breakfast of champions; if a champions breakfast were to consist of methamphetamine.
Fortunately the final stretch on to the Chinese border is mountain free. The roads are still as desirable as one can hope for in Laos. Which is sub par at the best of times. Not as much rainforest where we are now. That is to say that it’s just a lot farther away. Between us and the forest lies copious amounts of rice paddies. I mentioned before that I’d heard about this green. It’s as green as it gets. The paddies damn near stretch to the horizon and at some times it’s difficult to determine where the paddies end and the forest begins.
At long last our short stint in Laos comes to a close, as we arrive at the border to China. Massive golden gates mark the end of Laos and a massive, almost airport like, terminal signifies the start of China. Beyond these borders is a completely different world.
As we are making our way through customs, we can feel the English language slowly slipping away from us. Out on to the other side and officially in China, we are bombarded by the currency exchange ladies. Each one has their different rate and each speaks a special type of English which only goes to the extent of arguing about money. After changing what remains of our Laotian currency, we are released from the clutches of the exchange wenches and set loose in the southernmost region of China’s Yunnan province.
Into the first tuk tuk we see (roof of cardboard) we use our impeccable sign language coupled with my perfect Chinglish to get ourselves a guesthouse.
All traces of the English language are now solely between myself and Kieran.Since we only have just a bit more than one nights stay in our room, we make a mission to find an ATM. The first ATM is not accepting foreign cards and the second we find is denying our cards despite my relentless mashing of Chinese characters on the screen (of course no English option). We have just arrived in China and we have officially stranded ourselves in China. Lacking even the necessary payment to get us back in to Laos!
This is a stressful few hours. We wander about trying to communicate with the bewildered locals. Doesn’t feel as though many 6ft whites guys come through here very often. We return to the bank and find approach one of the tellers hesitantly. PERFECT English. Oh thanks God! She tells us that the ATM is simply out of cash, and it will be topped up at 6pm.With a sigh of relief we head to a restaurant to spend the remainder of our funds on a meal. In a country where you have no common tongue, ordering food leaves you with few options. Option 1: Find a restaurant with pictures. They exist, but not in this case. Option 2: Lucky dip. Grab a menu, open at any page and pick the one with the coolest symbols. In this case we went with option 3: Look at what the guy next to you is eating and ask for that. Some sort of noodle dish. Safe enough.
After finishing the meal and still a bit overwhelmed and stressed out by the whole ‘stranded in China’ concept, I sift through my bag for a cigarette. I pull out the gnarliest, mangiest, bent up last cigarette from the bottom of my bag. I say to Kieran that I’m going to get up and smoke it a little bit away, just incase it offends anyway eating. To this Kieran bursts out laughing. Confused, I look behind me to see what he’s laughing at.
The scene is this. Family of three. Mum, dad and child of about 4. Mum and child eating. Dad ripping a massive three foot bong at the dinner table! Smoke billowing up into the small oscillating fan above and then dispersed evenly throughout the establishment. Apparently smoking at the table isn’t a faux pas in China. I take my inferior crummy smoke and sit quietly puffing away whilst Kieran continues to giggle.
These bongs are not so uncommon in these parts. Most shops and even pharmacies have courtesy bongs for patrons!We head back to the ATM and after another round of cash machine lottery by pressing all the buttons; I win! Making sure I collect enough winnings to last me the more than immediate future (whilst securing a backup stash for Laos re-entry).
We grab a beer and wander around the small town. It’s almost the exact same as in Laos, except the infrastructure is much better. The have proper buildings, monuments, large town squares and statues, and still further sign of future development.
The difference between Laos and here is clearly the domination of the landscape.
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One Year Ago Today: Thailand crossing to Laos.
After spending the afternoon in the northernmost point of Thailand, an area synonymous with phrases like opium wars and people trafficking, it’s time for us to leave ‘The Golden Triangle’ (where the corners of Thailand, Mayanmar and Laos meet) as it occurred to us that we have until the end of the day until our visa expires.
Not a major problem, but every day spent over is worth 3 days spending on accommodation.In hind sight I would have not made the rush, but as a virgin traveller it seemed as though there was a strict deadline to meet! Maybe I’ll get in trouble if I overstay my visa! What if they think I’m trying to move here illegally?!?
There is no border crossing in the Golden Triangle. I suppose it would make the illegal drug trade all to easy. After asking several tuk-tuk drivers, we managed to ascertain that the nearest crossing is a couple of hours south from our present location, and the border crossing closes in roughly the same time.
Long story short, no tuk-tuk will drive us there. Simply not an option. Except for one driver. Who drives us down a series a back roads and alley ways to an unknown location location which turns out to be his home. He ditches the tuk-tuk and upgrades us to his family car. WIth a fare like this he can take the week off!
A couple of hours riding down along the banks of the mighty Nam Song, with the lush green forests of Laos a stones throw away on the other bank, we finally arrive at the border crossing.
Fill all the appropriate forms and then, in classic South East Asian style, jump in to a longtail boat to make the crossing.
As we are getting checked in to the country, I realise that I’ve got no cash left on me. Rookie error. I explain this to the customs official who directs me up the street into Laos.
As I’m walking up the street, an armed guard stops me at a checkpoint asking for my credentials . I stammer to him that I need to get some money from the cash machine. To my surprise, he gives me extremely concise directions to walk up the street, take a left, go 100 metres, turn right and be sure to use the ATM on the left, NOT on the right hand side of the road.
Cash successfully obtained. I return so I can legally enter the country.
Before we even hit the top of the street, my travel companion and I manage to organise a bus to the China-Laos border crossing in the north.
Following that it was the first taste of the Laotian landscape (and roads for that matter). Riding our minibus atop the crest of some amazing mountains with beautiful lush green rainforest dotted with vibrant green rice paddies.I have heard it written about Asia before. Green. Just so much green.
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One year ago today.
I’ve been travelling for over a year. This is something I’ve known for about a month. Although it’s taken until now for me to realise that I have thousands of photos from my adventures through South East Asia.
What I’ve decided to do is to share with you all, the best recollection I can, for the events and photos that I have. Sticking as best I can to the them of what I was doing one year ago today.What gaps in my memory caused by alcohol will hopefully filled by photos.
What gaps in my photos caused by hangovers will hopefully be filled by words of memory.I suppose it could be interesting. Definitely good for me to try and create a long overdue digest of what has so far been the greatest year of my life!
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Tiny humans and tiny horses. (Taken with Instagram)
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The reason I can’t go outside. (Taken with Instagram)
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The back. (Taken with Instagram)
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Taken with Instagram
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Protection money (Taken with Instagram)
